Watching Le Tour this last week has reminded me that there are a plethora of products that could enhance my life if I can just part with 3 easy payments of $19.95. Here are some of the choice sponsors for your enjoyment:
Enzyte "Male Enhancement"
I guess they figure that all the cyclists must be getting impotent from sitting on those tiny, hard seats. Hence, the need for male enhancement. I'm not sure why there is a race car on the package though. Cause while I might want my man "revved up" or "firing on all cylinders", it's not a freaking drag race! And, stock cars kinda turn me off....
I've had the pleasure of giving this product a try at the gym at work. Well, I can tell you, my pushups are still far from perfect and I still seem to be able to contort my forearms into all sorts of positions that the ergo people would be screeching about. And, I know I did as many pushups as the guy on the commercial, but my abs still aren't ripped. Perhaps that's the fault of the "Perfect Pizza" in the cafeteria, though....
This is a slingshot for your fishing pole. It promises to let you cast your line anywhere. Next time I feel like I can't climb an overpass, I will simply crawl under it and cast my line into whatever urban drainage canal lies beneath. There's nowhere I can't put my line with the Bullseye Fisherman. Whether or not I want to see what come up when I reel it in is another question....
This sound amplifier promises to make it easier to hear sermons and church and eavesdrop on your neighbors. Hmmmm. But, maybe the part where it appeals to the cycling audience is where they show the guy working out at the gym listening to the ladies across they way talk about how fit he it. Maybe the boy cyclists will want to hear what the lady cyclists have to say about them on group rides (or not).
This product allows you to buy a bunch of fresh food and then vacuum seal it so you can store it in your freezer until the next ice age, or until racing season is over and you can think about cooking again.
Cyclists are notoriously weak in the upper body. Therefore, the forearm forklift will come in handy for moving large pieces of furniture around the house. The only problem is that none of us have room for any furniture, since all the livable space is taken up by bikes.
Pet Jet Washer
This product promises to reduce pet washing time by combining the shampoo and rinsing into a single, handy gadget. And, who couldn't use more time for training? However, in my experience, the process of getting Fido into the bathtub is what takes all the time - not the washing process. Nice try, though.
Find Me Spot
Finally, someone came up with a product that might actually appeal to the target audience! This is a satellite locater where you can push a button and contact international rescue, or just have your friends track your journey on your blog. This is the perfect gift for your favorite cyclotourist!