Friday, July 25, 2008

Thank you sponsors! A review of commercial sponsors for the Versus TDF coverage

Watching Le Tour this last week has reminded me that there are a plethora of products that could enhance my life if I can just part with 3 easy payments of $19.95. Here are some of the choice sponsors for your enjoyment:

Enzyte "Male Enhancement"
I guess they figure that all the cyclists must be getting impotent from sitting on those tiny, hard seats. Hence, the need for male enhancement. I'm not sure why there is a race car on the package though. Cause while I might want my man "revved up" or "firing on all cylinders", it's not a freaking drag race! And, stock cars kinda turn me off....

Perfect Pushup
I've had the pleasure of giving this product a try at the gym at work. Well, I can tell you, my pushups are still far from perfect and I still seem to be able to contort my forearms into all sorts of positions that the ergo people would be screeching about. And, I know I did as many pushups as the guy on the commercial, but my abs still aren't ripped. Perhaps that's the fault of the "Perfect Pizza" in the cafeteria, though....

Bullseye Fisherman
This is a slingshot for your fishing pole. It promises to let you cast your line anywhere. Next time I feel like I can't climb an overpass, I will simply crawl under it and cast my line into whatever urban drainage canal lies beneath. There's nowhere I can't put my line with the Bullseye Fisherman. Whether or not I want to see what come up when I reel it in is another question....

Listen Up
This sound amplifier promises to make it easier to hear sermons and church and eavesdrop on your neighbors. Hmmmm. But, maybe the part where it appeals to the cycling audience is where they show the guy working out at the gym listening to the ladies across they way talk about how fit he it. Maybe the boy cyclists will want to hear what the lady cyclists have to say about them on group rides (or not).

Vacuum Sealer
This product allows you to buy a bunch of fresh food and then vacuum seal it so you can store it in your freezer until the next ice age, or until racing season is over and you can think about cooking again.

Forearm Forklift
Cyclists are notoriously weak in the upper body. Therefore, the forearm forklift will come in handy for moving large pieces of furniture around the house. The only problem is that none of us have room for any furniture, since all the livable space is taken up by bikes.

Pet Jet Washer
This product promises to reduce pet washing time by combining the shampoo and rinsing into a single, handy gadget. And, who couldn't use more time for training? However, in my experience, the process of getting Fido into the bathtub is what takes all the time - not the washing process. Nice try, though.

Find Me Spot
Finally, someone came up with a product that might actually appeal to the target audience! This is a satellite locater where you can push a button and contact international rescue, or just have your friends track your journey on your blog. This is the perfect gift for your favorite cyclotourist!


CyclistRick said...

I've ordered one of everything. Well, two or three of some things. :-)

Dana said...

Happy Birthday, silly girl! Now I know exactly what to get you for your special day.

Chris said...

The Bullseye Fisherman is a solid new product that shows innovation is alive and well even in fishing.

chatterbox said...

rick and dana - ha ha!

chris - "innovation" meaning the combination of two devices that have been around since Old Testament times? Good riding with you this weekend!

Oldman said...

wait something is wrong...your commercials on the leftcoast were different than ours on the rightcoast!

we saw the Enzyte, the Perfect Push Up but not the rest! Just about every commercial set we did see the bacardi mojito commercial with young things dancing to the mojito song....maybe it is a miami/naples thing?

marscat said...

you forgot that stupid commercial that repeats and repeats and repeats...

chatterbox said...

oldman - we did get the Bacardi thing, but definitely not every break. It must be a tropics thing.

marscat - yeah, I was going to poke fun at that, too. I'd like a spoof where "chatterbox improves efficiency by taking energy from exhaust and recycling it" with a burrito in hand or something.

Anna and Willem Voorthuijsen said...

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your comment! I didn't know you knew Dutch :-). Love your blog. Say hi to your cutiepie!